January 26, 2012
While I may not always be the most doting mother in the world at times, I always, always love my children. I carry them in my heart with my wherever I am, and in whatever I do. While I was watching a Beth Moore dvd about the Book of James, she mentioned a mother who had written a book about the dance between joy and grief. She only spoke for a short time about this mother who'd been told her baby girl, while still in utero, would be 'incompatible with life'.
This made me think of my last pregnancy. Yes, right there in the middle of the lesson. (I've got A D oohh a butterfly, a dog. I like cheese) .....
I went through my pregnancy with Cayleigh completely unaware that there was any problems. I'd developed Gestational Diabetes and didn't think she moved nearly as much as my other children had, but I chopped it up to the lack of sugar. (Chocolate should be part of the Food Pyramid you know). After she was born, and in the months that went by, and the numerous stays at Ronald McDonald House, and the other parents my husband and I had met it seemed commonplace to hear about others suing their doctors, the sonographer, the hospital, the 'whoevertheycouldthinkof's. How could these people be so worried about MONEY when their children lay in a hospital bed fighting for their life?
It makes me think of what I was reading tonight in James 1:27 that really stuck out to me ..
" Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. "
How easy it is for us to get wrapped up in the world. In this place, this temporary shell of a place, with its ideas, theories, discoveries, theologies, agendas, campaigns and whatever else gets people thinking less about OTHERS, and more about themselves. The idea that we need more money, a better car, a new car, a bigger house, a new wardrobe, those new shoes, that new bracelet.. it goes on, and on and on. Our culture is all about ME and what I CAN GET. But that is NOT what Christ has called us to do. We are to focus on Heavenly things if we are to live this new life He's given us in Christ.
But...I digress. Getting back to all the other parents talking about suing everyone they could place their anger on (and I use 'all the other parents' loosely)... I am THANKFUL that my husband is, and was, of the same mindset I am. What GOOD would that do? To sue someone? We choose not to 'blame' anyone else...because there is nothing to blame. God has made our Cayleigh perfectly and wonderfully. He said so in His word. He knew her in my womb, knows every hair on her head and every day of her life. He intended her for us, and we are THANKFUL. I am thankful.
Further digressing...back to that book. I Google'd it (yes, I used it as a verb) and found out the name of that book - and I'm going to get it. ( I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy
)
Will it be sad? It will probably hurt my heart - but my anguish will turn into joy because I know this woman's heart is for Christ. I want to buy that book because I know it will confirm what I believe already. That it really wouldn't have mattered if they'd told me at 16 weeks my baby had suffered a stroke. It wouldn't have mattered had they told me she'd need surgeries, hospitalizations, a trach, she wouldn't eat by mouth and I'd feed her through a tube, that she'd be 'blind' according to doctors (and I DONT claim that).. it wouldn't matter. Just as, to this writer, it didn't matter to her. Our children, no matter what they face, are given to us as a blessing. Never, ever forget that.
I can't imagine what would've rolled through my head if I'd have known what was going on with my daughter. I'm sure that I will find some of what I would've probably been thinking in that book though. Incompatible with life? HA! Little do THEY know, we are promised ETERNAL LIFE. The only folks incompatible with that are those who choose to ignore it.
SEE how I get off track? Sometimes you just gotta write what's on your heart.
Today, I'm thankful for....
#1 My CHILDREN
#2 My HUSBAND
#3 MY JESUS
#4 My Parents & In-Laws
#5 My CHURCH
#6 My FAMILY
#7 My SALVATION ..... and for that, I am thankful
Much like the Lord wants us to carry Him, and His Word, in our hearts.
By: Angie Smith
You said something I've told people for years about my children (especially my special needs children) - they are perfect! God didn't make a mistake. He knew exactly what He wanted them to be.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who went through the same sort of thing as the author of that book. She heard those exact same words - "imcompatible with life." She was devastated, of course, but through the entire pregnancy she was able to witness to God's plan and power. Her baby was stillborn at full term - I can't even imagine the devastation - but now, almost 5 months later, she is once again using Baby Owen's short life as an introduction to God's amazing love.
When I grow up I hope to have that kind of faith. :)